Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
