Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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