i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Slut skills are useful in every country.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize