if i can run in heels then i can drive
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
