I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
