I like my sex mixed with concussions.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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