I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize