Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
