if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
