was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
