Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
