last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
