your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
