what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
