I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
