I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
