Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
