On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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