Where is the hickey?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
