Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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