Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
