It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
