"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
