Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Boobs are out for the taking
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
