all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
