your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
