I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i think my cat just said my name.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
