Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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