I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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