So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
