sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
