I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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