a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
