don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
