Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
