a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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