K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
