My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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