Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
