I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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