Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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