You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
