Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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