I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
