He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
