when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
