week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
