I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
