Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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