we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
