I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
