i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
