watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
