We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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