Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
