Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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