wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
