I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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