By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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