Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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