i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
