rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
