Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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