This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
