Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
