I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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