so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
