That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
