remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Boobs speak an international language.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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