I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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