Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
