I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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