I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
